Sunday 24 May 2009

A DAY OF TEARS

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was very depressed and had a day of good old fashioned blubbing and wallowing in it. It happens from time to time due to circumstances in my life that rears its ugly head once in a while. The reason I tell you this, is because all things happen for a reason. Due to my severe depression I couldn't be bothered dressing properly and going to the shops. Everything was too much of an effort. You know the feeling we've all been there sometime or another. If you haven't then WOW, but WOW lucky old you.

Anyway, due to this listlessness I had to go to the nearby little shop instead later in the day. In fact, 7pm that evening. I dragged myself along hoping to see no one. No usual smile on my face or lightness in my step. A dragging, listless, puffy and red eyed person slumped into the shop.

Outside was a homeless chap trying to scrounge a bit of anything. Everyone was giving him dirty looks or completely ignoring him. I was one of the latter. I went in and looked around and couldn't even be bothered buying anything. Couldn't think of anything I wanted. Some cheese and parma ham and that was about it. Couldn't be bothered. I paid and walked out. Once outside, I saw the same chap standing looking as defeated as I felt.

The people in my world (not family) have treated me pretty shabbily over many years and I am used to being treated as a nothing and as a person no one anyone cares about particularly. It hurts. You rise above it and the "on a good day" me, puts it all in perspective and gets on with my lot. Because I always smile and am welcoming with an extrovert personality doing everything for everyone, they all think that I'm tough and made of steel. I'm not. Inside I hurt very badly but am darned if they will have the satisfaction of knowing that. Nobody knows the real me and what I go through each day of my life and it is because of this that when I glanced up and saw that chap looking as defeated as I felt I did what I did next.

I walked up to him and asked if he was hungry. He said yes. I don't usually give money as they often spend it on drugs or too much alcohol. I have given some at times but not too often. I took the chap back into the shop with me and told him to get whatever he wanted to eat. He was so good. He tried not to pick much or anything that cost much. I had to almost make him get more. He got a couple of things or so and then I told him to get chocolate and drinks if he wanted to. We got to the checkout amidst quite a few not very pleasant looks and I asked if he smoked. He said yes so we asked for what he wanted and the chap behind the counter tried to give him just 10. I got him to change that and had everything put in a bag. They tried to hand it to me and so I smilingly said no, that it wasn't my shopping and could they give it to the gentleman I was with. their faces were a picture.

How terribly sad the way they looked at him. They also looked at me in horror as though I had done some unspeakable act that was totally unacceptable in today's world. He and I walked out of that shop and I knew that he was worth 10 of each of them. he was terribly polite and grateful, wasn't trying to get all he could out of me, he was honest and appreciative and, in fact, all of the things that most people today aren't.

I haven't told you this to have you think I'm good or kind. I have related this to you as it is meant to be a blog that's a diary of my life and that means the good and the bad. Yesterday was a bad day for me which resulted in something good. It taught me again, that yes, I may have a load of **** in my life but how lucky am I compared to him? Who knows what led him to be where he is right now. How dare we all go around judging people by how they look or behave compared to us? We are all God's children and to Him we are all equal and as important and special as each other. We are meant to love one another as ourselves. he never said we had to like them though!

To help another person in need is something that we could all do in our own way. I'm sure that those of you who read this do. In fact, I have no doubt about that because I have spoken to each of you via e-mail and know you are all good, kind, loving people. To those of you who may be new to this blog then I am assuming that you too must also be good people. I am going to finish this little bit with one of the poems I wrote several years ago. Maybe it may help us all think a little. If only all would be the same in the world.
God Bless you all and thank you for listening to my ramblings,
Lorraine


LIFE'S QUESTION WHY?

Many a time I sit alone and ask
The question why? Do we all
Have to suffer such sorrow or pain
Until the day we die.

Well it's sent to us for learning
To help us understand
So we might care for others
And lend a helping hand.

For without it we'd be nothing
And never would progress
We'd stay the same throughout our lives
From our birth until our death.

Although at times it seems so bad
And the reasons never clear
It's moulded us and shaped our lives
And banished all our fears.

So take some time to sit and think
What life has offered you
How those experiences changed your ways
And helped you to come through.

Be grateful to the people or
The times that caused you pain
For these have made you who you are
And you're the one who's gained.


With thanks to the lovely young man I met yesterday for reminding me of this.